Movie/Music reviews...plus the added fun of drama.:-)

Well...I sprinted flat-out through the store, did 120 in the Buick to get to the hospital, and I still didn't make it in time to say my last goodbye to him. My dad called me at 4:12am and I made it to the SICU by 4:19, and the nurse told me that he hadn't made it. I kept from crying...for about 30 seconds. And when I saw my grandmother's face after the nurse told her...I couldn't help it. I just felt so fucking horrible. I mean, I took my chance to tell him what I wanted to tell him, when I knew he was functional...and yet, I still feel cheated. Like I hadn't learned everything from him or about him that I could have. I just plain out feel like shit right now. I just thought I'd be able to handle something like this, but as it turns out, I can't. Anyone wants to IM, email, or call me (IM or email me for my new number)...feel free to. I could use the companionship right now.

Well...there was some improvement last night...and tonight, there's been another setback. Last night, he was taken off the resiprator and was actually breathing on his own. Tonight, he's been put back on the respirator because he's suffering from epileptic seizures. Anytime I feel a glimmer of hope, something else happens...the doc said when he feels it's been enough, he'll tell my dad in no uncertain terms. It's sad because the doctor calls my grandfather "Pop" just like I do and obviously cares a lot about him, too. I dunno...this just keeps getting harder and harder. It's hard to act like nothing's bothering me.

X3 info.

From bad to worse. The neurologist thinks that my grandfather may be experiencing what they call locked-in syndrome. It means he can perceive things around him, but cannot physically respond. He also thinks he may have suffered damage to his brain stem. My dad and grandmother have to decide whether to have the lung specialist try to wean him off the respirator, in which case it basically comes down to if he can't survive without it, the decision has to be made whether basically to pull the plug and let him go. So, either way, I've lost my grandfather forever. I dunno...the only person who reads this page who knows how much my grandfather meant/means to me is Angelle. She met him before and knows what he was like. Coincidentally, she's the only ex/girlfriend my grandfather ever liked or approved of. God, I can't even fucking type this anymore...

Watching X2 right now (still trying to keep my mind off things). The "bamfing" effect during the initial scene was done better than I thought possible. The transfer's excellent and there's 11 deleted/extended scenes, along with a "Nightcrawler Reborn" :The Adventure Before X2 featurette on Disc 2. Definitely a must-buy DVD set.

More bad news. My grandfather's primary care physician said that the stroke that gave him that right hemispehere brain damage may have been worse than first thought. Basically, he's had a stroke, mild heart attack, and toxic shock in the span of a week. And my dad told me a few minutes ago not to anticipate Pop coming home...ever. Said that he'll probably have to have managed care for the rest of his life.

I went and spent a few hours with my grandmother yesterday and it was painful. Not because of anything in particular mind you, but because she was so obviously miserable. I've never seen her like that, and it honestly hurt to see her like that. Now my dad doesn't know what to tell her...something like this...I think it'd kill her. My grandparents have been married for over 50 years and have been best friends all that time.

This is the most hopeless and helpless I've ever felt in my entire life. Anybody wants to chat with me or anything (I'd really appreciate it), you can catch me on AIM and Yahoo under brann1999. Anyone wants my phone number, just ask.

Sorry I haven't been talking to pretty much anyone lately. I haven't really been visiting anyone's sites either, so I hope you're all (and yes, I do mean all) doing well. Most of my time online has been spent looking up medical info, so I have very little time to do much between work, sleep, and what's going on with my grandfather.

They did the CT scan...there's been brain damage scattered throughout his right hemisphere. I fucking hate this. The lung specialist told me and my dad that in the state he was in Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, he had a less than 1 in 20 chance of survival at that time. I just don't know if I've lost my grandfather forever yet. Goddamnit. I think I actually feel worse now than I did Tuesday night. I believe this is the worst I've ever felt about anything.

It was a gram-positive cocci. They're still not sure exactly how it spread throughout his body, but there may be a problem with his small intestine...and they said he suffered a minor heart attack yesterday at 12:30pm. The doctor is optimistic, but says that there is always a chance of brain damage from the blood pressure crash and ensuing medication to bring it back up. So while he may live, I may not be getting my grandfather back. I honestly don't know what would be worse...him dying or just...existing like that. I know which one he'd prefer...he's got way too much pride. This is honestly the worst I've felt about anything in my entire life. My parents' divorce didn't affect me this much. I guess it's because my grandfather's always been there while one parent or the other of mine was absent for extended periods of time. I guess another problem is that I have no idea of how to deal with this. Never had a family member die or get really ill. I've always known how to deal with things before...and that's what's bugging me. More as I think about it...I'm off tonight and tomorrow, so I've got lots of time to think when I'm not at my grandmother's talking about it. And she's still bugging me about having a girlfriend, since she's only met three of them and only really liked or missed (as in asking about her almost every time I go over there) one.

Oh, also bought that issue of Revolver with the MJK interview in it...also has a short blurb about APC and how they're not a supergroup (as if it weren't obvious that they aren't, anyway). Anyone who wants the interview but doesn't have it, email me and I'll see about scanning it in or transcribing some parts of it. I've changed my mind about some parts of it, but his commentary on fans is still interesting.

I'm still kinda blown away that I actually saw Tool in Austin...before most people knew about them and before they got really big. Off to go dig up the Tool hat I stole from my "friend" Andy after the show.:-D

Well...they've figured out that my grandfather has a massive bacterial infection...they successfully cultured it and are now using targeted antibiotics. He's moved into the SICU, which means he's allowed visitors, but he hasn't regained consciousness yet. He'll be in for at least the next ten days, and he's still not out of the woods yet. He was in the hospital for something completely different (carotid artery problem) when the bacterial infection hit him. I'm feeling better about things, but I'm trying not to get too optimistic...just in case. And it really hurts to have to say it that way.

I'm feeling somewhat up, so it's time for me to brag about what I picked up...I'm Best Buy's bitch this week. Picked these up on Tuesday...I got the new Tori Amos CD/DVD set, the Linkin Park--Live from Texas CD/DVD set. I also picked up Primus--Animals Shouldn't Try To Act Like People (all their videos plus an EP), Weird Al's DVD (all of his videos), the Tenacious D Complete Masterworks, and SLC Punk.

Short Reviews:

Tori--A greatest hits CD that doesn't include Hey Jupiter...? Awesome aside from that being left out, and I've always watched her televised concerts when I can. I somehow feel like I'm missing something...cos the only description I've heard of attending her concerts is that you're paying a lot extra to sit in a cushy chair. Price--$12 at Best Buy Sale Price
Linkin Park--Surprisingly good. How Chester Bennington can keep up that scream/sing thing he does and still be able to keep going song after song is beyond me. Price--$14 at Best Buy. Sale Price
Primus--Twisted, as always, but fun, too. Price--$16 at Best Buy
Weird Al-- I've got all of his videos from the '80s on a VHS somewhere, but man...I love this. Price--$20 at Best Buy (and well worth it)
Tenacious D--Anyone who likes The D should get this. Period. Everything having to do with them ever, is on these DVDs. All the HBO vids, all the music videos, the appearance on Crank Yankers and MadTV, a live show...it's awesome. Price--$14 at Best Buy
SLC Punk--For people who haven't seen this, it's a movie set in 1985 Salt Lake City and talks about what it was like being a punk in a predominately Mormon/redneck city. It's got great performances by everyone in it and everyone should at least attempt to watch it once in their lives.Price--$17 at Best Buy

No word yet on my grandfather. No down signs yet, but he hasn't improved, either. That's what's got me worried...that the longer he stays in that state, the bleaker things will get. I just...it's hard as hell to be optimistic at a time like this. He's a tough guy and has been through some rough shit medically, and has always managed to pull through. This time, I just don't know. I hate thinking about this and having tears well up. I can cut down on how emotional I am and have done a good job of it, but when it comes to him, no way. He's what kept me in this family when I did things bad enough to them that I probably deserved to be kicked out. He always backed me and never, ever gave up on me. I'd be losing the guy who essentially helped shape who I am, who I've become in the last year or so. I got my tenacity and hard-headedness from him. I got my willingness to always give people a second chance from him (my dad's attitude is that once someone screws you over, write 'em off). I've gotten a lot from him...listening to his war stories...listening to him tell me how many times he screwed up while dating my grandmother and during their marriage...listening to him tell me how he wished he'd been a more hands-on father...having him tell me that I had to work to better myself, cos I was wasting my talents by just stagnating. I dunno...if that leaves, if he leaves...I feel like I'll be more of a person for having known him and had him in my life for so long and so selflessly, but I'll feel like he's been cheated by not seeing what I have yet to accomplish. Do you know how much it sucks just thinking of something and starting to cry?

Just a tip, btw...never listen to Hey Jupiter when you're feeling this depressed. I'd write about some of the stuff I've picked up in the past week, but I'm just not in the mood...and getting that call the other night killed any money-spending tendencies I may have left.

Anyone who hasn't should check out Red Vs. Blue. It's a series of Halo vids that have very little to do with Halo. If nothing else, scroll towards the bottom and DL the Tattoo PSA. Then again, I also like the descriptions of their forums.

My grandfather's in the hospital right now. The worst feeling I've ever felt hit me at 1:15am at work when my dad called and said "Just want to let you know, the next hour and a half determines whether your grandfather lives or dies." He told me his blood pressure had crashed to 42/16. I got an instant migraine and wound up breaking down in tears. My grandfather's always been there for me and supported me, even when I've fucked up. When I started talking about completing my degree, he offered to pay for it. When I had to get out from under the payments on the Mirage, he asked me how much I needed to get a cheaper car. He's been a constant backer of me for years (emotionally, financially, however) and I honestly can't see him not being around. I just don't know. I don't think I've really ever felt this way. He may not live through today...and I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't. I love the guy. Some of my earliest and best memories are from the times I was around him...him catching fireflies for me in VA when I was three...giving me my first camera. It's just weird to think that he may be gone by the time the day's out.

Bit the bullet and bought The Two Towers Extended Edition. More Gollum footage and more Ent footage. FUCKING AWESOME!!!!! And I thought the first transfer was good...this one is a perfect 10/10.

It's times like this that I curse the fact I live 30 miles from the nearest Best Buy...why I'm pissed I'm in Hee Haw Hell.

Theories about the Matrix Trilogy that actually make a decent amount of sense...

After watching people get a completely blank look on their face when I mention their name, I honestly have to wonder, are Rory (my brother) and I the only people who listen to Clutch? These guys put on an awesome live show and the lyrics and music are really great, IMHO. Listen to Careful With That Mic (you may have to look up the flow/lyrics to get it all) and Pure Rock Fury for starters.

Bought the new Primus DVD/CD set (all the Primus videos in one place) and also picked up the Weird Al DVD (also every video).

Watched T3 again at a friend's house...and I'm still convinced that they took what could have been an interesting and somewhat cerebral (the time travel conflicts alone are legendary) final chapter and cheapened it and whored it out to make a brainless action flick that (even moreso than Matrix Revolutions) acts as if the previous chapter didn't really matter in the least. I fucking hate movies like that...like I'm disappointed in Matrix Revolutions. There's no definite conclusion...no real resolution. It leaves the door open for more movies and doesn't really address lots of the things brought up in Reloaded. And a friend informed and showed me that the Smith/Neo fight is actually a ripoff of Dragonball Z, of all things. WTF??? At this point, I simply think of the Matrix Trilogy as live-action anime...and not necessarily in a good way.

Okay...I think I encountered the most fucked-up thing I'm ever going to encounter working at the white trash microcosm that is Wal-Mart. Last night, I was working electronics (both people called in and 90% of loss prevention's time is spent in electronics anyway). I got a call at about 1:15. I'll paraphrase the conversation below...

me: "Electronics."
him: "Hi, how ya doing? I need to see about getting my microwave out of layaway before I've paid all of it off."
me: "Ok...." (do NOT ask me why he felt the need to explain exactly why he needed the microwave, but here's where it gets interesting)
him: "Well...I feel kinda embarassed talking about this, but the reason I need the microwave is...well...you see, I run a brothel here in Pascagoula and I use the microwave to heat up the condoms a little bit so it...prolongs the customer's pleasure."
me: "Uh-huh..."
him: "And ya see, my customers have been complaining..."
me: "Well, sir...let me transfer you to layaway since they're open 24 hours now."
him: "Who the fuck have I been talking to?"
me: "I answered the phone 'Electronics'."
him: *random cussing*

call transferred..

You can only imagine the growing horror showing on my face. And the scary part is, I could detect no quaver in the guy's voice...no veiled laughter, nothing to indicate it was someone just messing with me. It was just an incredibly fucked-up situation.

// posted by Brann @ 6:18 AM

Halo 2 may drop next Saturday (November 15, the 2nd anniversary of the launch...Live was launched on the first anniversary)...that's the rumor flying around the internet and for some reason, it never occured to me that Bungie has listed the release date as April 1st. After following their work for years (since the first Marathon), I can say that those twisted bastards would do something just like that.

Why the fuck won't people listen to me when I tell them not to buy eMachines? Then they have the nerve to get pissed at me when they get the fucker home and it's DOA. I really hate people. With a passion.

No sleep=me getting weirder than usual. Been spending the day on Kazaa Lite DLing Tool, APC, Incubus, Jimmy Eat World, and various other videos. I didn't even know there'd been a video for 3 Libras (that isn't the Leno performance), but that shows you how often I watch/have watched MTV since '95. I avoid MTV like the fucking plague.

Oh, and it looks like ANOTHER one of my exes may be getting married...that's like 90% of my exes who are married or engaged now.

Eh...I don't get it...the other night/day, I had a dream that involved nearly every ex I've had. Weird, wacky shit. Songs that have some relevance after that dream...and no, not referring to anyone in particular...there is one ex I miss, but she and I have somehow managed to stay friends even after being broken up for four years, and I do miss her being a close friend. These songs, for the most part, could apply to almost any of my exes, although Cautioners would only apply to a few.


If You Don't, Don't--Jimmy Eat World

What’s wrong baby, don’t they treat you like they should?
Did you take ’em for it?
Every penny that you could?
We once walked out on the beach and once I almost touched your hand.
Oh how I dreamed to finally say such things then only to pretend.
Don’t you know I’m thinkin’, drivin’ 405 past midnight.
You know I miss you.
Don’t you know that I miss you?
Ninth and Ash on a Tuesday night.
I would write to you from a museum mile, toast to you:
your whisper, your smile.
Up the stairs at the Weatherford, a ghost each place I hide.
If you don’t don't know, why would you say so?
Would you mean this please if it happens?
If you don’t know, why would you say so?
Won’t you get your story straight.
If you don’t know, honey, why'd you just say so?
And I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don’t well, honey, then you don’t.
I left you waiting, at the least could we be friends?
Should have never started, ain’t that the way it always ends?
On my life I'll try today, there’s so much I've felt I should say, but.
Even if your heart would listen, doubt I could explain.
If you don't don't know, why'd you say so?
Would you mean this please if it happens?
If you don’t know, why would you say so?
Won’t you get your story straight.
If you don’t know, honey, why'd you just say so?
Cause I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don’t well, honey, then you don’t.
So here we are now, a sip of wine a sip of water.
Someday maybe, maybe someday we’ll be smarter.
And I’m sorry that I’m such a mess, I drank all my money could get and,
took everything you let me have and then I never loved you back.
If you don’t don't know, why would you say so?
Would you mean the please if it happens?
If you don’t know, why would you say so?
Won’t you get your story straight?
If you don’t know, honey, why'd you just say so?
Cause I need this now yeah need this, need this.
If you don’t well, honey, then you don’t
And if you don’t well, honey, then you don’t
If you don’t know, honey, honey, then you don’t.

Cautioners--Jimmy Eat World

The time I would spend with pictures I would not send.
I watched you go from left to right.
I followed you all night across my blinds.
You'll change your mind come monday and turn your back on me.
You'll take your steps away with hesitance.
Take your steps away from me.
I'm making my peace, making it with distance.
Maybe that's a big mistake.
You know I'm thinking of you.
I miss you.
You'll change your mind come monday and turn your back on me.
You'll take your steps away with hesitance.
You'll take your steps away from me.
You'll change your mind come monday and turn your back on me.
Take your steps away with hesitance.
Take your steps away from me.

WTF is with having dreams about people I'll likely NEVER see again? I know it's some subconscious manifestation of feelings of some kind toward someone, but still, what the hell? More musing on this shit later...when I'm more awake.

Jack Johnson--Flake

I know she said it's alright
But you can make it up next time
I know she knows it's not right
There ain't no use in lying
Maybe she thinks I know something
Maybe maybe she thinks its fine
Maybe she knows something I don't
I'm so, I'm so tired, I'm so tired of trying

It seems to me that maybe,
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one no not no one
Likes to be let down

I know she loves the sunrise
No longer sees it with her sleeping eyes
And I know that when she said she's gonna try
Well it might not work because of other ties and
I know she usually has some other ties
And I wouldn't want to break 'em, nah, I wouldn't want to break 'em
Maybe she'll help me to untie this but
Until then well, I'm gonna have to lie too

It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one no not no one
Likes to be let down
It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go

The harder that you try baby, the further you'll fall
Even with all the money in the whole wide world
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me by

Everything you know about me now baby you gonna have to change
You gonna have to call it by a brand new name
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down

Just like a tree down by the water baby I shall not move
Even after all the silly things you do
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down

// posted by Brann @ 10:51 AM